Lately i've been playing a lot of Rougelikes, namely DoomRL. Dwarf Fortress, always the exception in the past, is my latest conquest. Its less a rouge-like and more a tamagachi. Conquest in the terms of learning *how* to play, as this game has the steepest learning curve known to man.

Anyway, I'd start a new Fortress in the morning, get my dwarves initially set up, and then let it run at work all day, and see the aftermath.

Its always interesting to see what happens in a procedural game.

Last iteration, I came back to discover my dwarves had children (oh nice). However, they lost them, and were spending the time they weren't sleeping or getting sh*tfaced looking for them. A dwarf had a temper-tantrum, and everything was generally chaos. I was surprised, however, that they were *still* alive.

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i got the BFG9K.

sadly, during the next mission, I was treading through an empty corridor, when suddenly the walls disappeared and I was surrounded by demons, cacodemons and lost souls. Luckily, I had a phase device, teleported out, then was caught by an enemy i never heard of, "Bruiser Brothers", which as Bs are variations of Hell Knights, or Barons of Hell. So, after soaking a ton of dmg while keeping one in melee while i grilled him with a chaingun and eating large health packs, I whipped out my BFG and fired two rounds, killing them both. I had two options 1.) go to the teleporter. 2.) go back to the original room, and BFG the hoard of low-level monsters. I took the latter, they flooded the doorway, and as I powered up the BFG, with barely any health, I realised I didnt have enough cells, so I was killed by a demon.

I've killed at least 400 demons in this round alone, and fought Ravenants, Barons, Former Commandos (armed with plasma rifles), yet a lowercase 'c' defeated me. Looks bad on the postmortem.

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I dont know what the future holds, but my bitter anguish has now been assuaged. I have been purged of the poison coursing through my veins for the last four months.

So, with that said, this will be a return to my old updates, my models, my work, my crappy satirical articles. My life has been saved.

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.being allured by her in the elevator @ the black sun

festival.
.lighting her cigarette and spontaniously asking me to her
afterparty, and convincing cesium 137/schnozz that we were
dating. going out for pizza, stunned that she was still talking to me.
.the next morning, she called me! so i got her yellow/pink tulips.
.lost on the second night thinking that she forgot about me, only to discover that she was looking for me (in the freezing cold!)
.trading shirts
.missing sushi since i didn't think she was really serious
.telling her that "she is the kind of girl i should be dating" - which is still true, except she IS the girl i should be dating.
.listening to beborn beton at the same time.
.translating mind.in.a.box lyrics to German for her.
.changing the lyrics to mind.in.a.box to represent how much i love her.
.going out for thai, giving her the reaper - devil is female CD, shielding her from the cold, then going out salsa dancing.
.mfa - we got in free since it was closing soon, but we managed to see EVERYTHING
.skorr-bars
.the bullet-ankh necklace she made me.
.prudential center - asking her to be my girlfriend on the
observation deck, and conquering her fear of hights.
.carving "ewigkeit" in my leg, "sixel" on my arm, and her
carving "jacob"
.new york
.empire state building, and defeating her fear of hights.
.knitting factory (colony 5 / neccessary response)
.taking the commuter rail to Worcester to see her.
.koreana
.cape cod to show her off to my parents.
.shelter
.x-mortis or heroes dressed up in suit/tie
.weekends at the lake
.kayaking
.blue moon
.purgatory chasm / picnic (loving me in a forest path)
.making swordfish and playing tennis together
.staying at my place for a week (longest time unseperated)
.walking around on my roof
.going to Nova Scotia and her family's cabin. the ride through maine; Stopping in NH to get tons of alcohol and cigarettes. so dirty but so passionate when we got there. watching the moon w telescopes, biking to cape split. going to halifax so she could do schoolwork while i explored the fort (obviously), the farmers market w green tomatoes, being scared of ghosts in the cabin.
wine/cheese on the beach. Smoking Cuban cigars!
.the aquarium, jovie calling the seals "fishies", jovie
running for hours in the pavillion; throwing popcorn to the
fish in the harbor, jovie throwing his sippie-cup in the harbor.
.the BINKIE
.six month anniversary (last painting i've ever made and
panicking that i wouldn't finish it/a beautiful book)
.taking Jovie trick or treating in harvard square and then
watching sleepy hollow
.valintines day at the top of the hub
.going to st. marks and staying at the hotel; alexis posing for a charcoal portrait she'd make later (thats still my phone's wallpaper)
.going to MOMA for alexis' birthday
.yard sale and driving golf-balls in the back yard.
.planning to adopt jovie.
.giving jovie piggy-back rides.
.teaching jovie how to swing; up and back,upandback, upand
back. invariably spending hours pushing him
.potty-training (me eating all of the gummie-bears used to reward him)
.big-booms! jovie telling grandpa about the booms (first
time he could communicate)
.crashie!
.jovie's silly angry face, his lower jaw would press outward and expose his lower teeth.
.silly jovie spastic running
.jovie making us "chicken nuggets!"
.the time jovie called me 'daddy'.
watching cars every day; watching dumbo; watching thomas,
watching wall-e.
.intoducing jovie to my parents, his marble collecting, my
father writing "jovi" (sic) in the sand.
.playing catch with Jovie, and accidentally breaking the
polish hierloom and trying to piece it back together before alexis came home. Alexis's day spa. deep-dish pizza.
.making pizzas
.making saffron rice with garbellos.
.making camper's stew
.making latkahs
.making spring/egg rolls and eating them in the park.
.making my favorite: pan-seared tuna
.making me have a honeymoon with steak
.making corned beef and green mashed potatoes on st. patrick's day
.ordering bubble-teas
.always trying to make me tiramisu and watching chacolat.
.watching delicatessen together via the phone, but delayed.
.making me lattes in the morning.
.vendetta against flies that snuck into our house.
.building elaborate train-tracks with Thomas brio all over
the hallway so he'd be closer to us (but tripped us).
.alexis doing my eye-shadow, and i flinched all the time.
.blindfolding me and tying each other up
.showering together and once took a bath.
.hiking in the fells, and alexis taking care of me by the rocks.
.moving to medford to be closer to me.
.lazy weekends as a family
.being a dad.
.the prodigious growth of the aloe plants.
.alexis always being so neat and organized, and making sure
that we were happy and that I wouldn't fuck up everything.
.playing Da Vinci's challenge and getting so into it, even if she beat me EVERY TIME.
.seeing angels and demons for dad's birthday, then going to
my sister's graduation, and spending most of the time with
my real family.
.protecting and providing for my family
.tiffany the babysitter, jovie's best friend
.waking up in the morning to find out that jovie snuck into
bed with us.
.parachute
.jacob-spiders
.clubhouse with jacob-buttresses
.playing hide and seek; and jovie hollering "jake-UP, come
back here!"
.finding jovie with the stolen gum and exclaiming
"DELICIOUS!"
.going to "Hi-Fi pizza" after going out dancing, since it reminded her of new york pizza.
.fighting only to make up and being even deeper in love
.breaking up to discover how much i love her.
.making horrible mistakes every day and she still loved me.
.trying as hard as i could to make sure that we will live a
better life.
.she thought my dioramas were cute.
.the diorama i made for her with her car.
.her book of our memories for every month of our first six months.
.she'd take photos of every experience we ever had together.
.her jewelry collections.
.going to town fairs with her
.the wine riot, and going to H&M, she looked so gorgeous. i bought my favorite black button down shirt.
.getting her a purple purse.
.getting her a 70's vintage purse.
.wishing i could get her everything.
.my djujeu's (grandpa) funeral, and telling my father that I was going to marry Alexis.
.the boston wine expo, the first day was great, but I had to see my sister on the second day and we got into a fight, and i felt so bad, but i was just so frustrated. But it was funny how i could barely pronounce the wines (they were greek) but I memorized the history/descriptions of the wines, and recited them for everyone, even though my voice got hoarse. I just wanted to show how much i loved her by attending it... thats all i wanted to do.. thats all i ever want.
.fighting with everyone I knew, since they were jealous of
us.
.her plans to redecorate my apartment =)
.her painting on my old canvas of cubist rendition of sushi.
.her painting of a futurist rendition of one of my dioramas.
.going to cape cod, Falmouth, to Nobska light, and climbing on the breakers. Going to the outdoor cafe.
.talking for hours on the phone together.
.feeling that alexis, jovie and me were the only people in
the world.
.missing christmas, and ruining everything, but she still
made the painting for me.
.birthday at the tank museum!
.alexis's birthday at the french restaurant, le zigamatez,
accosting some junkie harrassing her, and getting sick (from the garlic); but surprising her with almost EVERY modern-alchemy candle!
.constant bickering with ian about the imporance of alexis
in my life, and how she was moving in
.unquenchable love
.going to Provincetown, and feeling horrible for being late, but after we fought, we made up, and had an amazing weekend and went to the beach and rented bikes and she made a georgeous mosaic (that the tide took in), oh and we had gelato!
.really really good day-care, and proud that I could pay for it.
.taking Jovie with us to purgatory chasm, his rock-carrying, and us getting lost.
.putting Jovie to bed, only for him to wake up and discover
we were eating ice cream!
.while she lived in Charlton, at least she was safe.
.sneaking into the top-of-the-hub and making love and then
stealing the top shelf booze, and then trying to bribe
Jeremy to locate her wallet (who still remembers). trying to impress Alexis by saying it wasn't the craziest thing i ever did, but secretly, i knew it was.
.Jeremy as my best man.
.Jeremy as my only friend who loved that we were together,
thus my only real friend.
.Alexis was my best friend
.i wished she could have read my mind, since I couldn't ever
articulate how I truly felt.
.she prevented me from relapsing, even when I was really low.
.when we were low on money, we would sneak water-bottles of absinthe into concerts.
.the time the bartender bought us drinks since he thought we were the prettiest couple at sin-o-matic.
.taking space heaters from work so Jovie and Alexis could
stay warm
.buying goya fruit nectors to make mixed drinks.
.sanpellagreno
.absolut Boston.
.buying her saphire earings for valintines day, and the chocolates/truffles from lindts.
*an experiment to buy her the alexandrite ring*, and her incredibly sweet letter to me AAAAAAH
.her letters.
.when she wasn't around, I'd envision her body and I'd be ecstatic.
.taking her to the hospital and trying to cheer her up by buying pies and candy and everything.
.going to eastern standard.
.going to nova scotia the second time. Went to grand-pre again and woke up to the hurricane, but still were able to have wine tasting (her pallette was practically professional since she worked for a wine distributer). We went to Cape Breton, where I went when I was 14 with my dad. Although we had to drive A LOT. The pebble beaches at Ingonish with the cool sound it made when the tide receeded. The duck shaped driftwood. we went to cape north, and climbed the mountain there and constructed a little stone-henge and drank a bottle of Grand Pre wine, drinking the spring water from a brook. Staying at chalets, tried to rush home in time to catch the CAT, but realized it was hopeless so we went to Northumberland and its red-sanded beaches, with water tmp of ~80 degrees. Freaky. Alexis was sad, so I was sad, and we got really depressed, so I frantically looked at tourist books/maps to try to make it up to her, and found Annapolis Royale. Thankfully, it was exactly what we were looking for and stayed at a bed and breakfast in a mansion, and went to a really nice restaurant, I went to a cool "seven years war" fort. Talked about buying a summer home there. We went to the historic gardens, which were pretty, except maybe for the victorian gardens which were garrish, hehe, but I felt like I really made up for the day before, which is all I ever wanted to do. We thought of getting a summer home there. The ferry home and playing the slot machines, and winning a ton of money. Drinking gin and tonics (which began my taste for gin)
.Having martinis at the Irish place before we'd go out dancing.
.seeing her naked.
.always telling me: "I love you so much"
.tattoos! she bought a gun, and she would tattoo an 88 on my arm, and touched up my "eye of ra", and then she tattooed her leg with art-neuvaeu ivy. and her ankle with a Key.
.talking about her to random people.
.her parents visiting, and going to the museum of natural history, (which i hadn't gone to since I was 5 years old)
.second christmas - she visited my entire family; she gave my parents an electonic photo-album, which would do slideshows of photos, the photos of us on our adventures, and of course, the Jovie. (as an aside, when I visited my parents for 4th of july, i realized they didnt set it up, so i wired it up, but i was really upset that they didnt already do it! When i saw the photos, I became practically suicidal [moreso than usual])
. making dinner for her family visiting her place in medford; she made a christmas ham, the only time either of us would eat pork.
.second thanksgiving.
. most of all: giving me a reason to live.

---

now. what have i done without her:
.gave myself cigarette burns for every week without her.
.tattooed her name with bullet-holes above my heart.
.relapsed.
.went to the kinetik festival alone, watched rotersand, knowing that she was only a few meters away, thinking about our time together. fucked some french whore.
.stopped working on my models.
.bought pants (which she was always bugging me about)
.started writing letters to her, but unable to send them since I didn't feel they were complete.
.been writing a series of songs for her to try to win her back.
.pushed her away when she tried to let me back in.
.dwelling on how much of a fuck up I am.
.letting my imagination elaborate on what she's doing without my support: stripping to pay her bills, living on the streets, fucking random assholes that'll say anything.
.trying to kill myself.


anyway, these are all of the wonderful things that I sacrificed by leaving her that day. It was the most complete two years of my life. There were low points, but everyone has them. You can't have great highs without lows. The point is, I fucked up, thanks to EVERYONE who deserves to run the gauntlet, who couldn't provide any encouragement, instead just biting me with venom that "oh you're just young, you are not ready for such a commitment". They can FUCK THEMSELVES and yeah, i guess I'm one of them, and thus i want you all to follow my fucking lead when I finish this fucking job.

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the great thing about being single is you have a ton of free time to do things you didn't get a chance to do when things actually had value.

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